“Girl, I wouldn’t even put up with that mess.”

You’ve heard it before and most likely have said it on an occasion or two. Well, I have learned that if you live long enough, life will make you recall that statement. Life sure caught up with me and I have had to recall and eat many statements that came out of my mouth in my younger, more carefree days.

Older folks would say, “She’s just wet behind the ears”. I never really understood what that meant. But I was wet all right… more like saturated.

Thinking back, I can remember listening to a girlfriend rant about what her husband did and how stupid she was for staying. Tears rolled down her face as she sobbed uncontrollably. She needed support; her heart was heavy.

“But I Love him” she said while she blew her nose.

All I could think of was, “Love don’t got jack to do with it”

Today, I’ve had to kick myself on a few occasions. Today…I am a different person.

It was a humid, sticky mid August afternoon in 2005…a typical normal, hot August afternoon. But normal it was not. At least it wasn’t for me. My life would never be the same.

Looking at the summons for my husband to appear before the judge for child support was more than I could handle at that time. We, as a team had just gotten caught up on our bills since his return home 7 months prior. To say it was a testing period for me was an understatement. The saying goes; If it’s not one thing it’s another. For me it went like this; If it’s not 5 things it’s 25 things. This was so relevant for my life.

There were days I would just literally scream and cry. It was as if the enemy had just zoomed in on me and I was his target for things I couldn’t even begin to explain. But it was evident: I was chosen to carry many, many crosses. Some crosses didn’t even belong to me. I had to send those back. The ones that were not mine had to get a RETURN TO SENDER stamp.

On this day, I looked at the summons and the name of the child that the support was being requested for. My breath became very short and at that moment, I needed air. It seemed like the room started to spin. My eyes began to fill with tears, my heart felt as if it was going to jump out of my chest. My knees buckled. I had to sit down.

I was all alone.

After I found a chair, my stomach started to turn and dizziness came over me like a rushing wind.

The enemy wanted me to lose my mind.

“How?”“Why?” These were the questions that began to surface in my mind.

It was bad enough to have a baby by a married man but to name the child after him was inexcusable to me. A junior? I would never do that. That to me was just mean. This was beyond my comprehension. I guess because I think differently.

I dialed my Pastor’s phone number. No answer - just voicemail. I dialed my 1st Lady. She answered. She knew who I was from the caller id. It was as if the words would not come out.

“Nicole” Silence. I couldn’t answer. I was in between sobs. “Nicole” The words finally came out but they were muffled. I began to blurt out what just happened.

“My God,” was her first response. “Okay, now let’s get it together,” was her second.

She was not having the pity party thing. For one thing - I was too far away from her (as my church is over 90 miles from my house). Second – she knew my potential. It’s a blessing to have mentors around you that see where you’re going before you see it or believe it. Our Pastors were sent to us for what we have had to endure. Pastors Clifton & Vicki Coward of Agape International Ministries Worldwide in Richmond, Virginia have been that bridge for us.

Pastor Vicki went on to encourage me and give me what the word has promised me.

Then, I called my girlfriend Lena. I remember the day like it was yesterday. Summons in one hand, phone in another, and standing outside on our deck. I was pacing back and forth at this time. She immediately began to pray. She was at Farm Fresh at the time. A few weeks later, she told me she was praying so loudly in the store that she had to go outside before the people put her out. (LOL)

For over a year I would not talk about it. I couldn’t. I would literally get sick just thinking about it. The pain was so deep…it was like an open wound that would try to close but couldn’t. As soon as I thought I was all healed, something would happen and those feelings would resurface and the tears would start flowing. Even my heart would begin the racing all over again. Panic and anxiety, were the twins out to get me. Sometimes I would think, “This is just too much for me to handle.” But the word of God says he would not put more on me than I can bear.

The child support was a subject by itself. Our household went without on many occasions because of the child support. At times, I thought it was so unfair. My children went without. That by itself really bothered me. But I would never voice it aloud. We as wives have the power to build up or tear down. It’s our choice. I knew what it was when I accepted my husband back.

This is a decision I made. No gun was put to my head. Don’t get me wrong. My flesh wanted to lash out. My flesh wanted to go up one side of him and down the other. I wanted to point fingers, accuse and blame. But my spirit would say, “BE STILL”.

One of my very favorite scriptures is Isaiah 61:7 – You shall have double for your shame”.

I quoted that scripture over and over again. The word, the peace of God and my Pastors – are what kept me during that period in my life.

Today, the little boy is a part of our family. He and our baby girl are just a year apart in age but you would think they are twins. They absolutely adore each other. I run around the house, play hide and go seek, and act goofy with him just like I do with my own. And he is the cutest little button. (He looks just like my husband).

By sharing this part of my life, my hope is to open a door for women who have had to endure similar circumstances. If your husband has had a child out of wedlock while married to you, please contact me. I want you to know that you are not alone. I would like to start a support group, especially for women who are being faced with this. The easy part is leaving. It’s harder to stay and endure.

Nicole Cleveland is founder of Breathe Again Magazine Online. She is on a mission to empower, encourage and motivate women by posting real life articles of women overcoming adversity. Visit her website at www.BreatheAgainMagazine.com.

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A well trained mind will always provide you great opportunities to work better and achieve a lot of success in life.

The wise men have always said that “the mind is like a bad neighborhood-never go there by yourself”. In case, your mind has not been trained, it would definitely prove to be a bad neighborhood.

Fortunately, there are several techniques available these days to train your mind such as meditation, NLP etc.

You must remember that our minds keep absorbing several thoughts, responses and behaviors from the environment around us. These entire patterns may affect us in different ways.

There are times when most of the thoughts we tend to absorb don’t go well with our goals. Hence it becomes very necessary to train our minds in order to give out equal response to what we require.

If you don’t have a cure of what should be done in order to train our minds, don’t worry. Here are some great tips on what should be done in order to achieve a well trained mind:

- Segment intending

This is a simple and best way to train your mind. This process will also help you to accomplish a lot on a daily basis.

Here is how to go about it:

- Step one

You need to decide the time period for your segment. Now, this time period can be of any length. However, remember that it should not exceed more than a half or one hour.

- Step two

Now, decide on your aim for that particular segment. This can be a whole list of tasks that you want to accomplish, a state of being or may be both if you wish.

- Step three

As soon as the segment start time arrives, you need to start your segment no matter what. Don’t have any second thoughts.

- Step four

In case, you get interrupted during your segment, you must decide whether the interruption is significant enough for your segment. In case, it is not just ignore it and keep up the good work. You need to keep your segment work going.

Practice all the above mentioned steps throughout the day. Remember that each segment that you practice is a kind of training period for your mind. Here, your mind is learning to help you in whatever task you undertake. The technique of segment intending also works with a friend. You can easily keep yourself on track if there is a friend helps you to do so. You would definitely notice that your mind is getting more responsive.

Of course, there are other techniques you can follow to train your mind such as stimulating your brain via doing activities that fill your mind with enthusiasm, doing regular physical activities, focusing on memorizing things, reading books on varied topics, adopting a creative hobby, learning new words, discussing on various topics to exercise brain, popping out ideas, developing an aim in life, sleeping well and using the invincible power of medication.

As you start enhancing your brain power, you will identify a new and improvised confidence in yourself.

For more Articles, News, Information, Advice, and Resources about BRAIN TRAINING please visit BRAIN TRAINING SECRETS and MEDITATION BUZZ

Time management is basically about being focused on the important things. The Pareto Principle - a.k.a. the ‘80:20 Rule’ - states that 80% of efforts that are not time managed or unfocused generates only 20% of the desired output. However, 80% of the desired output can be generated using only 20% of a well time managed effort. Although the ratio ‘80:20′ is only arbitrary, it is used to put emphasis on how much is lost or how much can be gained with time management.

Some people view time management as a list of rules that involves scheduling of appointments, goal settings, thorough planning, creating things to do lists and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you desire.

But there is more skills involved in time management than the core basics. Skills such as decision making, inherent abilities such as emotional intelligence and critical thinking are also essential to your personal growth.

Personal time management involves everything you do. No matter how big or small, everything counts. Each new knowledge you acquire, each new advice you consider, each new skill you develop should be taken into consideration.

Personal time management should not be a daunting task. It is a very sensible and reasonable approach in solving problems big or small. A great way of learning time management and improving your personal life is to follow several basic activities.

One of them is to review your goals whether it be immediate or long-term. A way to do this is to keep a list that is always accessible to you. Always determine which task is necessary or not necessary in achieving your goals and which activities are helping you maintain a balanced life style.

Below are some important steps you must always remember in order to manage your time and achieve the important tasks.

• Learning to say “No”. You actually see this advice often. Heed it even if it involves saying the word to family or friends.
• Pat yourself at the back or just reward yourself in any manner for an effective time management result.
• Try and get the cooperation from people around you who are actually benefiting from your efforts of time management.
• Don’t procrastinate. Attend to necessary things immediately.
• Have a positive attitude and set yourself up for success. But be realistic in your approach in achieving your goals.
• Have a record or journal of all your activities. This will help you get things in their proper perspective.

From the moment you integrate into your life time management skills, you have opened several options that can provide a broad spectrum of solutions to your personal growth. It also creates more doors for opportunities to knock on.

If you can’t remember anything what you’ve read so far, just remember this one: “Time management is about getting results, not about being busy“.

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