How To Be More Assertive

Many people who don’t have assertiveness skills often feel victimized by just about everything. They feel like they don’t have the authority to even stand up for themselves and powerless to do or change the things they want.

Note that assertiveness is not a personality trait, it’s a skill that lets you claim your own right without denying other people’s rights. And assertiveness is not the same as aggression. Aggression is about defending and protecting your own interests without caring for other people’s feeling.

Assertiveness is a very important skill. People who are assertive without demolishing others are more likely to build a healthy relationships both at work and at home.

Here are how to be more assertive without ignoring other people rights:

Have the courage to speak out. Understand that it’s fine to assert yourself, your opinions, your values and your beliefs. Just make that you assert yourself fairly without suppressing other people’s rights to assert themselves too.
Express yourself in “I” terms and be specific. Send a clear message and don’t be afraid to express how you feel. For example, say something like “I worked very hard to make this event a success. If I have not met your expectations, tell me what’s wrong. I don’t accept potshots.
Learn to say “no” decisively. Most of us have the tendency to always say yes when approached for help. It’s hard to say “no” because we don’t want to be perceived as not being nice or friendly. But there are consequences for being a yes-man/woman. You will never have control of your own time if you always put others’ priorities before your own. Just say “no” politely and decisively. Say something like “No, this is not for me but thank you for asking”.
Learn to observe assertive body language. More than half of human communication is nonverbal. When talking to someone, observe the basics of assertive body language. Maintain good eye contact and posture. Use hand gestures appropriately to complement your message. Do not blink, sway or tap your foot.

Becoming assertive takes a bit of time and practice. It doesn’t happen overnight. Assertiveness is a crucial interpersonal skill that must be nurtured and cultivated over a period of time. Besides being able to deliver your message clearly, assertiveness is also helpful in helping you to build self-confidence.